You will need:
A bullet-proof vest - nearly all horror psychos like to use blades - but wear one of these just in case; it can only helpA nice room - make sure it's box-shaped (ie you can see it all from the corner) with no windows and just the one flimsy wooden door. Having the walls, floor and ceiling thickly lined with concrete will help (as we'll see later)
A Gun - vital. Sure, it won't kill whoever you are getting chased by, that would ruin the films credibility, but it'll slow them down. Just make sure its loaded. Possibly have an empty chamber first to add to the suspense.
An Axe - also vital. When you come across a locked door, just hack it down. Take a couple of threatening swings at the psycho to make him keep his distance / remove a few limbs.
A Script - nice to have so you know if/when you're going to die. Just nick it off one of the cameramen when they aren't looking.
Things to remember if you want to make a classic horror movie
Stand there screaming - if you're being chased, periodically turn round and make a little yelping scream. Always helps along the storyline of any horror film, and also lets the psycho gain some ground.Things to do if you want to make a memorable horror movie
Talk - talk about anything; it'll make a nice change to have a dialog in a horror film. And remember to put in some light comedy, such as 'I bet [actors name] never had to put up with anything like this when they did [film they starred in]...'Flirt with the psycho - chat them up, do a little strip-tease for them.
Things to remember if you want to stay alive
The horror generally doesn't run on - survive the night and you've probably made it. Just watch out if you're floating in the middle of a lake and you just killed a spoonhead's mum.Walk everywhere - a nice brisk walk... running will only make you hurt yourself (ie you'll trip over, fall into a greenhouse etc). The murderer walks everywhere, and so as long as there is a fair distance between him and you (a few feet), you'll do fine.
Keep your purity and virginity - the stats from previous movies suggest that innocent virgins have a higher survival rate. But you're on the internet, so the first one's out for a start.
Are you the hero/heroine? If so, grab the nearest implement to hand and run at the psycho. You're the hero/heroine, you can't die, so the sooner you take the bastard down the sooner we can all go off and have a nice cup of tea.
Otherwise... run, and don't stop. Run in a straight line. Towards population. Punch a policeman and get locked up for the night. Fly to another country. If you're not the main character, chances are that the psycho guy aint going to chase you round the world.
Trust nobody - get your friends and chain them up in your room. If you have to sleep, rig up an elaborate alarm system to alert you if anybody moves.
Sequels will probably kill you - so kill them first... The directors will always try to make a sequel... now, you don't want that, you want to live, so you've got to make sure its going to be bloody difficult for the murderer to come back. So sit in your nice safe room and wait for the psycho to come in. Shoot them in the head several times, decapitate them, dice them and send the various parts to different countries across the world. And just in case, kill the directors while you're at it.