Types of drivers
Perfect driver
This one sticks to the speed limit, is never less than the stopping distance away from the car in front, and only pulls out when it is perfectly safe to do so. They never take their eyes from the road, they only overtake when necessary, and if they aren't one car in front of a policeman, then they have their wife/girlfriend/driving instructor in the car with them.White delivery van drivers
These guys don't own their vans, and they're more worried about getting the parcels delivered quickly so they can get to the pub sooner. They drive legally, but only just, and they would prefer to dent the van than dent their quality pub time. They also make extensive use of the hazard lights so that they can park half on the pavement over double yellow lines while they drop off a parcel. Researchers believe they co-ordinate their deliveries to occur at the same times, so that they can park on both sides of the road and reduce the road to a very slow one way system, while they deliver their parcels and meet up at the pub for their lunch break.Nervous driver
These drivers take the speed limit, divide it by two, round down and subtract two MPH just for luck. They are always to be found with a very large gap in front of them and at least 20 cars behind them, and they prefer to wait for a parked delivery vehicle to move away rather than drive out and round it. It is not unusual to find these on the most busy winding road in your town, on a Sunday and packed full of OAPs.Fast driver
This type take the speed limit, add 10% and two MPH to reach the police cut-off point. They overtake anyone slowing them down, but only when it is safe; these have usually left the house too late, and they're going to miss an important meeting.Mad driver
This lot take the speed limit, add 10% and two MPH to reach the police cut-off point, then they multiply by two and apply brakes when their front bumper is about to connect with the car in front. They overtake everything on the road, forcing oncoming lanes to slow down, stop or take evasive action, and if you asked them what a stopping distance was, they'd probably say it was a distance between you and the car in front when the car in front can be said to be stopping you (generally agreed to be a metre). They look in three places; the sides of the roads for speed cameras, the car in front and the gap between the car in front and the nearest oncoming car. These have usually left the house far too late, only to find that the windows are iced up; as a result they've missed an important meeting and they'll have probably lost their jobs, so they're not too worried about getting to work in one piece. Either that, or they are trying to get away from the police/wife/girlfriend.Woman driver
They consider themselves to belong to the 'Perfect driver' class, and tend to get very upset with other drivers on the roads who do not obey the highway code, especially those who do not stop to let them out of side roads... Like the 'Mad driver', these drivers also look in three places; the children on the back seat, the rear view mirror to check their makeup, and the pretty trees at the side of the road. And when they are not driving the car, they have a tendancy to tell the driver that they 'are going to be late' and that they 'should have left sooner'; it is all 'your fault', and they'll 'drive next time'.Radiac's Helpful Driving Hints
Be careful where you overtake
Whenever you want to overtake, take these things into consideration: other drivers are wankers, other drivers suck, and other drivers like pissing off people who are overtaking.I learnt this the hard way. Twice.
First time, I was a learner, and was calmly driving home. Saw a bus stopped to take on/let off passengers. They were signalling left, so, after checking my mirrors, I signalled, pulled out. Got halfway along the bus, then he noticed he was being overtaken by a learner, so signalled right and pulled out. He then managed to push his speedometer up surprisingly high for a double decker bus, forcing me to drive parallel to him for what seemed like a mile. Oncoming traffic had to stop, and eventually the bus gave way.
Second time, I had passed quite some time ago, and was trying to get home. Was stuck behind a white van doing 40 ALL THROUGH THE 60. Goddamit. Anyway, we got to a roundabout, he didn't signal, drove on the left lane, I almost got past but he cut me up when he realised he was in the wrong lane. Got onto the hill, did a steady 30. And this is one of those hills where cars and vans only ever slow down. So I dropped back a bit to build up my revs, waited for a perfectly clear road on the other side, floored it. 40, 50, I flew up the hill. In my fiesta. Quite amazing. Hit about 60 as I was overtaking the white van. Then he decides to teach me a lesson, and drops into second or something, and speeds up. And like the bus, there I am, stuck on the outside (the BMW behind was trying to do the same as me), when suddenly round the corner comes some guy doing at least 50, which is rediculous for that corner (I usually do about 60 there, but thats another matter). He slams to a halt and gestures at me, the guy in the van realises how much of an idiot he is, applies his brakes, and I slide in between the two vehicles into the overtaking lane. Where I am promptly overtaken by the BMW.
Do not drive into pavements
This is generally a bad thing to do. I know, because I do it a lot. The first time, I bent the edge of my wheel. Well, at the time it wasn't an edge, since circles can't have edges.As soon as I got that fixed, I drove into another pavement. This time I was going a little faster, and suddenly my wheel had lots of edges, many of which poked through the tyre, bursting it instantly. The wheel was a write-off.